EMails From Hell
by StrigoiVii
Summary: Dean always has a little too much fun playing jokes on his brother. Too bad for him Sam learned how to retaliate really well. Winner of the Ungen Prank Wars Challenge at Snville. Hope it gives everyone a good laugh!


A/N: Winner of the UnGen Prank Wars Challenge. Thanks to everyone that reads!

Dean emerged from a scalding hot shower, his body naked and wet as he stood there in the bathroom doorway; dripping water on the floor and wrapped up in nothing more then a tiny motel room towel that barely covered anything as he stared at his little brother, who was sitting at an even smaller motel room table in the corner of the room with his laptop open and his fingers flying across the keyboard in some macabre sort of dance, sporting what Dean thought to be an 'interesting' smirk on his face. He'd go calm and stoic one minute, then suddenly burst into laughter for no apparent reason the next, and Dean was a little more than curious as to why.

"What the hell's so funny Sammy?" He asked, his mind a little more than intrigued at the moment as he watched his brother's face shift emotions like a pre-menstrual woman with no chocolate at her disposal.

"Nothing, Dean," Sam had chuckled as he hit one last key on their research lifeline, then closed the lid with a little bit of force before pushing his way into the already steaming bathroom that his big brother had just vacated.

"I hope you left some hot water for me."

"Dude, I tried my best, but for some reason, I just couldn't seem to use it all. Look, even my fingers are prunes. We must have finally died and gone to hell with how hot that water was," Dean cajoled, but for some reason,Sam didn't find it very amusing.

He silently breezed past Dean and slammed the door shut, the thought of hell somewhat ruining his overly good mood this morning. He didn't want to face the fact that in a little less then three months, Dean would probably be living in just that… hell.

Dean listened carefully as he dressed quickly, and when he was sure Sam was not coming out in the next few seconds, he opened the lid to the laptop to see what, exactly, had been so damn funny. He may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he did know his brother like the back of his hand, and after punching in Sam's password to his e-mail account, he started to read what Sam had been so amused with.

The original message had oddly come from someone Sam had known at Stanford that he had strangely kept in touch with over the last couple years, even though the feds were still on their tails. Dean knew Sam still had contact with a few of his friends, but said nothing about it knowing Sam needed that little semblance of normal once in a while after all the abnormal shit they lived through every day. He shook his head every couple seconds, and then grinned from ear to ear when he saw that his little brother hadn't sent the message to anyone yet, because he just hadn't had the time to finish it. Dean, being the awesome big brother that he was, would be more than happy to help Sam complete that little task, and as the water flowed from the behind the locked door behind him, Dean went to town.

Participate with me on this. I only sent this to folks whose answers are bound to be clever and interesting. This is what you are supposed to do, and try not to spoil the fun! Just give in and do it. Copy, not forward, this entire e-mail and paste it into new email. Change all the answers so that they apply to you then send this to a whole bunch of people you know including the person who sent it to you. Put your name in the subject. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends.

1. FIRST NAME: Sam

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes. The old lady that lived across the street from us, Anita Mann, I was named after her pet cat Samantha.

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? I'm crying right now, as a matter of fact.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Of course, it's bold and beautiful, just like me.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Oh baby, I like any kind of meat!

6. DO YOU HAVE OR WANT KIDS? Well, I usually like my dates older, but I'm game for anything I guess. It works for Michael Jackson, doesn't it?

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF? Oh, come on now, I am my own best friend!

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Silly question, of course not, I have a diary.

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Oh no, I could never be that insensitive. I think it's why I cry.

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Oh yes, it would break my heart to have to part with them.

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? I did once, but I wet my pants when I did, so I don't think I'll try it again.

12. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No, I can't tie shoes, so once my awesome big brother ties them for me, I leave them tied.

13. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Not nearly as strong as my awesome big brother Dean! He is awesome!

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Whatever my awesome big brother Dean likes!

15. SHOE SIZE? Sasquatch (Is that a size?)

16. RED OR PINK? All my underwear is pink, so what do you think? (Oops, sorry, that's sarcasm, how rude of me)

17. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? That I'm not as incredibly handsome or as awesome as my big brother Dean!!

18. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My big brother Dean whenever he's away from me.

19. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? I may cry if they don't, so please, send it back, please!!

20. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING? I'm such a free spirit, I'm not wearing any.

21. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Does that mean I had to swallow it? Hmm, not answering that.

22. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My awesome big brother singing in the shower. He has such an incredible voice! Did I mention how awesome he was?

23. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Most definitely pink. It suits my personality.

24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? My awesome big brother when he breezes by me fresh from the shower. I wish I could smell like that.

25. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED WITH ON THE PHONE? Who else, my awesome big brother. Have I told you all how awesome he is?

26. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU MEET? How big their feet are. You know what they say about feet, right?

27. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I love everyone.

28. FAVORITE DRINK? Anything with a cherry and a little umbrella.

29. FAVORITE SPORT? Wrestling, of course. (Mostly, I like the spandex)

30. EYE COLOR? Green, just like my awesome big brother Dean's.

31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No way, I could never stick anything in my eyes! I have zero tolerance for pain.

32. FAVORITE FOOD? Anything my awesome big brother cooks for me; he's such a good cook. I swear, there's nothing he can't do.

33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? I am a sucker for a tear-jerking happy ending!

34. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Atonement, cried for days after.

35. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? No shirt, I already told you I'm a free spirit.

36. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer, makes going sans clothes so much better.

37. HUGS OR KISSES? Oooh, both, please, and all over me.

38. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate syrup

39. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND THE QUICKEST? My awesome big brother Dean, of course.

40. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I hope everyone will, please…crying again.

41. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Not sure what the title is, but it's got Fabio on the cover. I sleep with it under my pillow too.

42. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A picture of my awesome big brother Dean, what else?

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? The sound of my big brother Dean snoring. It's so cute.l

44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Oh, I don't like either one. Now Cher, that girl can rock!

45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? I try not to stray too far from home, it upsets me.

46. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT(S)? No, my awesome big brother Dean got them all.

47. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? On my birthday, in a hospital.

Dean barely had time to add every address on Sam's contact list and hit send before he heard the water finally shut off, amazed yet grateful that there had been that much hot water still in the tank.

He quickly deleted the message from Sam's sent mail before closing the window and shutting the lid, then went to work gathering all his things to shove back into his bag.

He couldn't help but laugh every couple minutes for the rest of the day, and when Sam would turn and stare at him with that _'What the hell is wrong with you' _look plastered on his face, he'd chuckle even harder, but said nothing.

Days went by with Sam saying absolutely nothing, and Dean honestly thought he had no clue what he'd done, which made the whole thing even funnier. Well, that was before Sam had volunteered to go and get coffee and donuts without even being asked, which was before he got the text message from his brother's phone number, the message he'd been dreading for days that finally came.

_Dean,_

_Cute, real cute. You know what this means, don't you? I just wanted to let you know that not only did I send this to everyone we both know via e-mail, and I do mean everyone, but I posted it all over the internet and sent a link to it to every single phone number in your address book via text message with a number to call back, your number. Yes, all 134 of them. Yes, to all those women that you said you'd call and never did. Take a look at the computer screen sitting on the table and enjoy the bombardment of messages you're going to get. I know I will. _

_Sam._

_P.S. When you Google your name, guess what comes up Go ahead, try it.. _

Dean stared in horror at the laptop sitting open on the table across the room, the screen saver flashing various different women in various stages of undress. _'Leave it to Sam to have porn as his slideshow' _he thought, trying to prepare himself for what he was about to see, knowing he wasn't going to like it. When he hit the space bar, he realized it was worse than he thought it could possibly be.

He stared at photos of himself, only not of himself. Sam had obviously had a little too much time on his hands the last couple days because he was gazing inshock at his head plastered on someone else's body, someone who was obviously dancing around in drag. Well, at least the he/she had a nice body, even if it was wearing women's clothes and high heels. Also plastered across the screen directly below the photos was the following:

Participate with me on this. I only sent this to folks whose answers are bound to be clever and interesting. This is what you are supposed to do, and try not to spoil the fun! Just give in and do it. Copy, not forward, this entire e-mail and paste it into new email. Change all the answers so that they apply to you then send this to a whole bunch of people you know including the person who sent it to you. Put your name in the subject. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends.

1. FIRST NAME: Dean

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Not really, but I was supposed to be a Dena, and since my parents really wanted a girl, I grew up wearing dresses with ruffles and frills. Sometimes, I try on women's clothes at the local department store, just because they make me look pretty and I like the way they feel.

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? When I woke up alone after a night of steamy hot sex and realized the woman I was with didn't love me, she only wanted me for my body. God, do you have any idea how much that hurts? I feel so dirty, so used. She promised me she'd call, but never did…oh god, there I go, crying again.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Only if it's used to write down a hot woman's phone number on a cocktail napkin, oh wait, forget it, she probably won't love me anyway. She'll just want me for my body and never call me later. I just can't take that kind of rejection anymore. Can someone get me a tissue?

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? As long as it's dead when I eat it, it's all good. There really isn't much I won't put in my mouth.

6. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? God, I hope not. If I do, no one has told me yet. Do you know something I don't?

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF? For the record, my right hand is my best friend. Since I can't find true love, I'll just stick to my best friend. At least it won't ever let me down or make me cry in the morning.

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? No, but I make a point of reading each and every one that I find hidden in dresser drawers when I spend the night at a woman's place so I can learn everything there is to know about them. I don't know why, they never end up loving me anyway.

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? If it gets me to third base, you bet.

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yeah, and I regret that I do. Do you have any idea what happens when they get infected? It's not pretty, trust me, it was the worst moment of my life! But at least my little brother was there to take care of me. Oh no, there I go crying again…

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No way, I have a crippling fear of heights, in fact, there was this one time on this airplane when I almost tossed my…oh, never mind, you really don't want to hear it anyway.

12. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? I don't wear tie shoes, they are for smart people, and that leaves me out.

13. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Does body odor count?

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Whatever flavor is covering a hot blondes body at the time is my favorite flavor. You pick it, I'll lick it. (Yes, my emo crisis has passed, and I've decided to return to being the careless pig that I am.)

15. SHOE SIZE? Whatever size makes me look bigger. You know what they say about big feet, right? (I really wear a six, but let's just keep that between us, ok?)

16. RED OR PINK? Pink, it's the color of…well, use your imagination.

17. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Nothing, now that I've discovered natural male enhancement. Go Enzyte!

18. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Nobody, really. There's always a warm body on the corner to choose from.

19. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Probably not, I don't think anyone would have anything nice to say anyway.

20. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING? I'm not wearing any. The talented Miss Julia just left and I just haven't gotten around to putting them back on yet.

21. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Do I really have to answer that? It's kinda personal.

22. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? It's Raining Men by The Weather Girls…I love that song!

23. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Fuchsia, because I like the way it sounds.

24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? Once again, do I have to answer that? As long as it's not fish….get the point?

25. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED WITH ON THE PHONE? That girl at 1-900-SexTalk. What was her name… Jasmine I think. My best friend and I had a great time with her.

26. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU MEET? How big their breasts are. Honestly, is there anything else to really care about?

27. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, he's my idol. I worship the ground he walks on.

28. FAVORITE DRINK? The one that gets a woman to take her clothes off.

29. FAVORITE SPORT? Ladies mud-wrestling, what else?

30. EYE COLOR? Green, except when I'm hungover. Then they're a bright shade of red.

31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No, sometimes it's better to be blind.

32. FAVORITE FOOD? As long as it's riddled with grease, who cares, but I gotta say I have a weak spot for sliders. Harold and Kumar have great taste, but man, they sure do stink up my car.

33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Once again, it depends on what base they will get me to.

34. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Can't remember, that one hit me a home run while we were watching it.

35. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Did you miss the part about the talented Miss Julia?

36. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer, of course. Gotta love chicks in bikinis

37. HUGS OR KISSES? Depends on what you're hugging and kissing.

38. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate syrup (sound familiar, Jerk?)

39. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND THE QUICKEST? My immensely intelligent little brother Sam, he is a god among men.

40. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Oh, I'm sure everyone that gets this will respond in one way or another.

41. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? I don't read books, now ask me what magazine's my best friend an I like to read and I'll tell you.

42. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? What's a mouse pad?

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? A female voice whispering my name in my ear telling me it's the best…well, you get the point there too.

44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Stones…of course.

45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? If I had a home, well, never mind.

46. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT(S)? Yes, ask every woman that I've ever met and I bet she'll name at least one.

47. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Yesterday, in a crappy motel room in the middle of nowhere. (Did you think I would just let this one slide, Jerk?)

Before Dean could even read the last word, his phone started vibrating. It shuddered and shook off and on incessantly for over twenty-five minutes before he just turned it off, somehow knowing he was definitely going to need to get a new number now. He smiled somewhat at the thought, and that smile got even wider when he read the one final message that came in before he cut the power to the damn thing.

_Let's face it, the student has surpassed the teacher. I learned from the best, so don't mess with the master. Sam. _

Well, Sam got one thing right, this meant war.

_End Notes: Thanks for reading...hope it gave a good laugh or too_.


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